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THE SEX QUESTION – After two years without sex, is it possible to experience the sensation of a first time?

After a long period of abstinence, it is sometimes difficult to consider new sexual relations serenely. This is the case of Mégane who has not made love for two years. She is afraid of reliving a “first time” during her next sexual act. In “Sans Rendez-vous”, the sexologist and psychoanalyst Catherine Blanc, wishes to reassure the listener. The idea of ​​a painful first time in the physiological sense of the term is a fantasy, because the body is “made for it”. In addition, the “first times” with a new partner can turn out to be an opportunity to rediscover pleasant sensations.

Mégane’s question

“It’s been two years since I am single and have not had sex. When I go back to bed with a boy, is it possible that I have the feeling of a first time?”

Catherine Blanc’s response

“First, you have to understand what she means by a first time. With each new relationship, it is a first time because otherwise it would mean that we do not meet an individual and that we do that to continue the history created with another. Each relationship is therefore a first time. It is two bodies that come together, two bodies that arrive with their wealth and share them to build a relationship.

But if her question revolves around a first time in the sense of the physical, physiological difficulty that she may have encountered: there is a mistake. The female sex is not a scar, it does not close. There is no new defloration. It can be a worry, in the fantasy of some women. A bit as if we had lost flexibility. The idea of ​​being all stiff, all closed, as if we had stopped playing sports for two years and we would no longer be able to do it. It is only on the order of fantasy. The body is made for it anyway. It is only our worries, our personal reluctance, our inhibitions that stiffen our bodies and our physical impulses, but not at all the fact of having quit for two years or for ten years.

Can the sensations be different after two years of abstinence?

It is also an opportunity to rediscover how good it was and how unfortunate it is to be deprived of it, willy-nilly. What has been discovered, who has been loved, which has been a surprise for oneself can once again be the opportunity to rediscover landmarks, extremely moving evidence that goes rather in the direction of the pleasure of finding a new first time.

Is it better to take it slow?

I don’t really know how slow she should be. If the fear is to be in pain, because it may have a painful record on the subject, it should not be neglected. Perhaps she suffers from vaginismus historically and that she fears having to redo the path of a difficult opening? In which case, it is better to consult. If not, let her be reassured, it goes without saying that she will very naturally find the path to love again.

Is it better to talk to your next sexual partner?

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I think it’s up to everyone to decide what it is, depending on their personality. There are people who readily talk about their difficulties in order to be accompanied peacefully, while kindly by their partners. But suddenly, they also put themselves in a framework where they are “to be treated”, in a way. Others prefer not to say it.

It may not be by chance that there are no partners either. If I had the idea that my sexuality was painful and I felt that, because it’s been a long time since I have had sex, it might be painful, maybe ‘Presumably there is still something that, if only unconsciously, has caused me to sideline relationships because maybe I’m afraid of them? And there, I advise you rather the consultation. “

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