Anxious feelings related to parenting can be perceived as weakness, inferiority, or interpreted as “not doing well enough”. A whole new relationship with your own child can evoke a wide range of emotions.
While having a baby brings great happiness, there can be feelings for parents that can be very difficult to talk about. They don’t always show up in the catalog you see in Some, for example.
We told a well-known blogger in February Linda Juholan from an open writing in which he honestly described the first months with the baby.
Read more: Finnish sometime Linda, 31, published only beautiful family moments on Instagram – now opened up from the harsh reality behind the pictures
He spoke of feelings that can be difficult to admit out loud.
– Recently, I experienced myself many times to be a failure. The fact that I fail to get my own child to calm down and sleep is annoying and nervous. The evenings and the soon-to-begin anesthesia are mostly causing me anxiety right now, Juhola described in his writing.
– At the same time, I also experience a bad conscience that many times I can’t even stand it anymore and I don’t want to try. However, anesthesia does not work, it becomes nothing at all. What if I lose my nerve again ..? Again, yes. Once it has happened and I am ashamed of it a little further.
Guilt. Bad conscience. A carrot-like feeling about something he would have liked to take better care of, but at that moment he just couldn’t or couldn’t. Shame on your own negative feelings.
Welcome to the club, a parent who recognizes similar situations may have thought while reading the text.
The subject is constantly important
What matters is how you handle emotions. What is especially important is that you can talk about your feelings out loud, says an expert on the Mannerheim League for Child Welfare’s parental telephone Anna Weckström.
– I really woke up to a huge empathy for Linda and a feeling of admiration that she writes really boldly and expresses her feelings skillfully. The subject is constantly important. These feelings are talked about quite a bit out loud, even though they are common, Weckström says.
– I also wondered corona-time families with babies, when all meetings are taking a break. That loneliness can be heavy.
Some share their feelings for the first time with anyone
On a parent phone, the topic is always topical.
– It is these negative feelings that are talked about a lot by the parents who call us.
The Mannerheim League for Child Welfare provides a service that parents can contact anonymously. It may especially help those who have had difficulty raising similar issues, for example at a clinic.
These feelings are talked about quite a bit out loud, even though they are common.
– Some say that for the first time they are telling anyone about such things and feelings.
The point of a parent phone is that not all parents have anyone to talk to about themselves. It can be a huge relief to hear that others have similar situations and feelings, Weckström says.
Negative emotions are also part of responsible parenting
Reasons for not wanting or daring to talk about negative feelings can be related to shame, for example. Or contribute, for example, to the admirable idea of a successful and active parent who knows everything right away and just enjoys his baby bubble.
Anxious feelings can be experienced, for example, as a kind of weakness, inferiority, that “you are not doing well enough”. Or doesn’t feel like they’re doing as well as “those others,” Weckström ponders.
– I would venture to say that no parent avoids these moments.
However, according to Weckström, negative emotions also belong to responsible parenting.
For example, in a situation described by Juhola, when a baby cries a lot, even though all the tricks have been tried.
– The feeling of failure can come from the fact that the parent feels responsible and empathized for their baby. That, too, is good parenting, that becomes a frustrated or desperate feeling when a baby, for example, cries, and nothing seems to help.
One’s own situation should not be underestimated
According to Weckström, those who seek help on the parental telephone may downplay their need for help. Sorry if perhaps time is taken from someone who “would need it more than themselves.”
It is only good if you strive to improve your own well-being on a low threshold, Weckström emphasizes.
That, too, is good parenting that becomes a frustrated or desperate feeling when a baby cries.
– Sometimes the baby just cries, even if the parent did their best. When you don’t know what that baby has, it’s really heavy.
Anna Weckström reminds us that one’s own situation should never be underestimated. By discussing, you can get concrete help, find a new perspective and take comfort.
How could a fresh parent who recognizes Linda Juhola’s feelings be comforted?
In the early stages of parenting, there may still be expectations created during pregnancy about oneself as a parent. The feeling of failure can be partly disappointing.
– We may have gotten used to the fact that we can control things. Baby’s daily lives can come as a shock when you don’t know how to work with your baby. Lindakin described himself as thinking he was a “supermama”.
Some may have quite a few views on parenting.
When the first baby is born, there is a whole new kind of life ahead. Getting to know your baby has the same things as creating a new relationship. You can’t know everything right away. In addition, there may be differences in the temperaments of the baby and the parent, Weckström says. Comparing yourself to others is not helpful.
– For example, Some may have quite a picture of parenting.
Dare to speak at the clinic
The contrast during pregnancy can also be intense.
– The expectant mother during pregnancy is at the center of everything and it may change radically when the baby comes into the world. The mother’s mental well-being may remain a little secondary. However, I urge parents to address negative feelings at the clinic as well, as they can be helpful in dealing with them.
Anna Weckström reflects that feelings of failure can also be related to external pressures.
When a baby comes into the world, the mother’s mental well-being may remain a little secondary.
– It is thought that you should take care of baby carrier, finger feeding and everything. One may want to be similar to one’s own mother or father has been, or the complete opposite of one’s own parents.
When you have never heard of being good
You don’t always get words of encouragement from anyone for parenting. My own attention is too much on challenges, and not enough on those things where you have already learned a lot, where you are really good.
– No one has ever said to the parents who called us that you are a good parent. Consulting one can be terribly important.
Feelings of inadequacy, lack of appreciation and loneliness burden parents, according to a 2019 survey conducted by the Mannerheim League for Child Welfare. It was answered by 650 parents and guardians of the children.
No one may ever have said that you are a good parent. Consulting one can be terribly important.
Related parties can play a part in supporting families. Encouraging words even from a friend may help even a little bit of any parent.
– I was also wondering here when I would have praised the parents close to me. You could just as well tell other parents how well they have done and taken care of things.
– Any understanding discussion is really important.
Support for parenting
The Mannerheim League for Child Welfare answers the parents’ phone and chat. The service is for parents of children of all ages.
The Mannerheim League for Child Welfare has also published a podcast on the subject, with questions answered by a psychologist: Dare to listen to the podcast parenting pain points.
The Association of First and Shelter Homes has also listed assisting parties families in different situations.
Source site www.is.fi